here's some html foobar

Vatican: condoms don't stop Aids

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2003-10-11 19:37:03

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2003-10-10 01:37:44

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it irritates me that my log is turning into a collection of links. i don't like that at all. i'd much rather have something useful to say. i've been spending a lot of time over the last couple of days talking to heather and i thoroughly plan on talking to her tomorrow night. basically, this means that i'm getting all my thoughts out with her instead of putting them on here. i like that. i don't like that she thinks she knows everything. she's different. she does know a lot of things, but she's still not perfect. it bothers me that she seems positive that she knows where i'm "supposed to be". she keeps telling me things that i already know as if i didn't know them, but i can't really defend myself after she says it cause it looks like just that, a defense. josh mentioned running off to new zealand. i like the idea. i like the idea a lot. however, i know for fact that that's not where i'm supposed to be. if i wind up there, i'll be a bum working on intellectual persuits. i'm tired of intellectual persuits. the quest for logic and order and all that shit is simply another idol. something else to worship and hold up above everything else. everyone needs something intangible that they hold above everything else. for some people, it's blind faith in God or Whatever Else they believe in. for others, it's the church and the surrounding community. some, it's money / power. others it's logic, the need to explain everything in terms that "make sense". i have found logic to be completely unfulfilling. it's easy and stupid. i don't have to put any part of myself on the line in order to do logic. on the other side, i don't get anything out of logical accomplishments. of course it works, it should, it's logical. i need to get away from this way of thought. i need to get back to people. real people. not the big mess that is society or any other generalization. people are amazing. general behavior patterns can be predicted, but specific actions can't. even in yourself, you don't always know how you're going to react. i need to get back to that. feeling things. knowing things just because i do, not because they're "logical".

could you provide us with some detail?

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2003-10-11 19:38:53

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this is a test

because i got high...

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2003-10-11 19:44:20

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ok, i have no idea why that's out of date order. if i ever care, i'll put some time into it...don't hold your breath

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2003-10-12 14:13:59

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When analytic thought, the knife, is applied to experience, something is always killed in the process. That is fairly well understood, at least in the arts. Mark Twain's experience comes to mind, in which, after he had mastered the analytic knowledge needed to pilot the Mississippi River, he discovered the river had lost its beauty. Something is always killed. But what is less noticed in the arts...something is always created too. And instead of just dwelling on what is killed it's important also to see what's created and to see the process as a kind of death-birth continuity that is neither good nor bad, but just is. zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance

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2003-10-13 12:30:00

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today is skipping class day -- which it really should not be. i really really should have gone to class today. i could still make my noon, but i don't want to go, so i'm not going to. so, last couple days: i've got FreeBSD working finally. i'm running gnome 2.2. i'm taking a much different approach to this than i normally would an operating system. you might say i'm taking the windows way out: basically, i'm not paying too much attention to the shitty command line utilities (mind you, i'm not saying that command line utilities suck: i love command line utils. i'm saying that bsd's command line utilities blow goats.), i'm basically sticking to userland. i'm trying to see just how useable this is without admitting that there's a command line. i suppose my basic goal is to have something to sell windows users in the quest to put down ms. i dunno. right now, it basically hasn't pissed me off enough to boot back into linux just yet. ok, so i've been reading zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance based on josh's referal. thus far, i like it, but it hasn't really gone anywhere. then again, i'm only on like chapter 8 or so. however, i'm coming to not really expect it to go anwhere, but to meander, and i think that's kinda the point. or else, i could be totally wrong. i'll figure it out. i've been talking to heather a lot recently. it's getting to be a few hours every couple nights or so. i like it. the little logic guy in my head is trying really hard to kick my ass and not let me open up to being hurt again, but the little guy that makes me not suck and keeps me open to people is winning out. i really care about the girl: in more ways than one. to be really specific, i can easily enumerate three: i care about her as someone i interact with. generally, i want everyone to be as happy as possible. i don't like to see shitty things going on in anyone's life. i care about her as someone who thinks on a higher level. there aren't very many people left in the world who openly think on a high level. i'm pretty sure i'm friends with most of them. i think everyone has the ability of high, complex though; however, it doesn't generally fit into the way society wants you to act thus most people try to hide it. third and most obviously, i'm romantically intereste in her. i want to know her better than anyone else and vice versa. which leads me to so many other problems: first in my head is how do i know she's not going to disappear on me again. i understand a lot more about how she works now, but i'm not claiming to actually have a clue at all. i'm already opening myself up for a lot of pain and i don't really know how ready for that i am. secondly: how is she going to deal with that whole situation? she knows that she's hurt me in the past. it hangs over her head and any time i mention it, she gets upset. this isn't going to work if she isn't willing to just let go of the past and see what's willing to happen in the here and now. third: we don't live near each other. granted two hours isn't really that long, but it's not conducive to randomly showing up for short periods of time. i think i'm ok with this one, but i'm not really sure. shared random life is a lot of what makes a good relationship in my opinion. another point on this one is that this leaves us talking on the phone all night. i love talking to her on the phone. (in person would be better, but i take what i can get) the problem with this is that i'm basically not sleeping those nights. i tell her not to worry about it and that i can hack it, but not sleeping is really not good for me, i already have messed up patterns and don't sleep much as it is. fourth: and possibly most importantly, chris. for the sake of argument, i've known chris forever. he's one of my best friends. he's --always-- there if i need anything. as i think the entire world knows so i'm not really worried about writing here, chris and heather have a really messed up relationship. the best thing i can relate it to is me and brook for anyone who knows me. i don't want heather to get between me and chris. i know he's a better man than to try to stand in my way, but that doesn't mean he has to like it and i'm not sure what to do with that. that and it kinda makes me an ass. i try to avoid being an ass. bro's before ho's right? like i said, that would make me an ass. so this leaves me here, in carbondale, skipping class because i hate class. trying to figure out what i want to do with my life, how i want to weild what God has given me to try and make some part of this world a little bit better than it was before. i'm in the middle of two books right now, one on philosophy and one on cryptography. really they're both philosophy in one way or another, just opposing forces. something that kinda bothers me is that they're both reference from josh. anyway, i'm going to slack off some more, then go to work...

never throw scissors

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2003-10-13 15:57:13

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http://www.dotlessbraille.org/dbsample.htm

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2003-10-15 13:15:45

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bad idea of the moment: gzipping text files that you're not sure why they're there, but you don't want grep -r to read them

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2003-10-15 14:22:33

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http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?id=1055388013694&skuId=5602467&type=product&productCategoryId=cat01174

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2003-10-16 09:59:16

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http://w3development.de/css/hide_css_from_browsers/import/

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2003-10-16 14:56:57

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http://www.howtocreate.co.uk/tutorials/testMenu.html

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2003-10-16 20:15:43

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don't feel bad, mysticgoose. Socks hate everyone. They're like +the goth girl that sits in the back of the class in highschool.

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2003-10-17 10:50:55

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screenshot of the moment

pooka pooka neep

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2003-10-20 21:27:26

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ok, it's time for everything everyone knows, but i basically haven't been talking about: i've been spending --a lot-- of time with heather. we talk on the phone for hours (and i'm talking 4+) every night. we spent friday night and all day sunday together over the weekend. the easiest way to put it is that we're connecting. really connecting. so it's weird to be writing all this because i told her that i mention her in my log. i don't even know if she knows where my log is, but as it always does, it messes me up to know that the one i'm talking about is going to be reading what i'm writing. i'd be fine with telling her anything that i would write here, however if we're talking, ideas are dynamic. she can pull what i mean out of what i say. here, it's much more static. anything i put here is set in stone. anyone can look it up in the archives and i can't change that. (short of sql magic, but i appx refuse to do that.) so that's why i'm going to sound hesitant for a while when i write about her/us. what i really want to say is that i really like where things are going. there are still little things to work out and i'll talk about those later if i feel so inclined, but on the higher level, i don't think i've ever been happier. -- begin shallow guy routine a bunch of us (heather, mary, phil, pat, and myself) went kareokeing the other night. we met up at steak and shank. i remember talking to my dad before i went saying that i knew heather was going to be done up but that i wasn't going to do anything out of the ordinary because i wanted to be comfortable. well, as soon as i saw her, the little guy in my head just freaked out. in a good way. she glowed. you know the whole stupid movie effect where you can't even make out the faces of anyone else even though they're right there? that. deep red (not fuck-me-red, but more purple that that, just totally attractive) lipstick, pale skin (which i am so a sucker for), and a bright blue stretchy stuff top. (again, i'm a sucker for bold colors as well as neat material.) [i think she wore the blue to show me the shade of blue she was talking about earlier, but i've yet to verify that.] so yeah, all i wanted was her, right then. she asked me later at the bar how bad she looked. i tried to tell her that i thought she looked beautiful, but i failed miserably. (i'm not so good at admitting thing like that [especially to the level that i wanted to] with a lot of people around.) so yeah. the shallow guy in my head is very happy right now. --end shallow guy routine --medium sized thing(s) i'm going with medium because these things are too big to be little things, but i don't want to give any one thing or even couple of things the distinction of being a "big thing". heather's been working on getting me to process as an extrovert instead of an introvert. this is hard on me. it's mostly hard because i've know for approximately forever that i'm an extrovert. i don't actually get any energy off of pulling into my own world. i get the energy when i share that world with other people. why do you think i write? why do i have an online log? i don't have any writings that i won't show people. i can't even write if i don't know that someone else is going to read it. that and when i process out loud, i come to conclusions faster. not just conclusions, correct conclusions, useful conclusions. so, if i know i'm an extrovert, then why do i pretend to be intro? i'll tell you: it's easier. an introvert doesn't need other people. if i'm an introvert then i can hide in my shell under the guise that i'm "processing on something". totally bullshit. it's really almost impossible for me to come to any conclusion that matters in my own head. i've gotten to the point that i can fake it by bouncing ideas off of what i think the other person would say and playing out the whole scene in my head, but damn that's processor intensive and really pretty dumb when i could just throw the ideas out into the ether and see what happens. so, i'll work on that. i want to talk about more things about her, but i'm not ready. i want anyone who reads this to know that i don't think she's perfect, i'm just not ready to talk about her flaws. i'm not going into this unaware and glossed over like i did with brook. i have a pretty good idea what i'm getting into and when i'm ready i'll talk about that. --end medium sized thing(s)

And I could not resist when I saw little nikki grind or how about... I'm a big big girl In a big big world It's not a big big thing If you leave me But I do do feel That I do do will Miss you much Miss you much

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2003-10-21 12:52:38

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why doesn't this work? --blockquote-- if( $_ =~ /.*@.*\..*/ ) { @words = split(/ /, $_); while(<@words>) { print "$_\n"; $_ =~ s/(.*@.*\..*)/$1<\/a>/g; push(@cleanwords, $_); } $line = join(" ", @cleanwords); }

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2003-10-21 13:24:35

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get a free pumpkin with every test drive...

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2003-10-21 14:23:03

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duh. --blockquote-- foreach(@words) { print "$_\n"; $_ =~ s/(.*@.*\..*)/$1<\/a>/g; push(@cleanwords, $_); }

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2003-10-21 18:11:47

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[Oct 21 22:19:46 UTC] The keyserver says: "I'd never ask you to trust me. It's the cry of a guilty soul. ["

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2003-10-22 13:02:00

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ok, so i'm a grinning idiot right? i'm goin to o'fallon tonight. my public reason is that i'm going to pick up my new laptop. my private reason is that i want to see heather. the deciding factor is that jason is coming with and i get to spend four hours with him in the car. i haven't really talked to him in a while and i miss it. so this is going to rule.

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2003-10-22 15:50:39

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http://www.siucstudentcenter.org/parents/newsletter/ this is my current project. it's going ok considering it's all generated http://www.siucstudentcenter.org/parents/newsletter/copy.txt that's the copy http://www.siucstudentcenter.org/parents/newsletter/process.pl that's the script that does it welcome to my life. hideous code written quickly and ineffectively. if you know how to make the red div go all the way down like it's supposed to, let me know...

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2003-10-28 17:32:09

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Subject: Looking for a starting point. Greetings and Salutations, My name is Randy Will and I am currently an Electrical Engineering undergraduate at Southern Illinois University Carbondale. I've come to realize over the last couple of years that I'm not on the path that I want to be on. First off, I don't want to be doing engineering as I'm much more interest in working with people than machines. Beyond that, I need my field to require a human touch, not just computational skills. Third, I need to be in a more academically driven atmosphere. Most of the students (of course this is an overgeneralization) are only here because their parents sent them here and cover cost. They're more interested in house parties and the bar scene than they are in actually bettering their lives. Thus, to solve this problem, I have to go somewhere else. I'm looking for a strong, academically motivated school that can drive me to achieve more than the lackluster mediocrity that I've settled into here. I'm currently looking into three schools: California State, Sacramento and Minnesota State (haven't narrowed down to a campus yet) here in the U.S., and Trinity. I originally found Trinity while searching for research projects on artificial vision and have since followed, at a distance, what the college has been up to. I haven't yet decided on what my specific course of study will be, but I have narrowed it down to some sort of Health Science: possibly microbiology, psychology, or pediatrics. If you think you would be interested in helping me on this quest, please let me know what I can do to get a better feel for what Trinity has to offer as well as how I should go about the application process. Thank you eternally for your time... -Randy C. Will (trust me, I'm not nearly as formal as this letter sounds...)

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2003-10-30 08:00:06

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"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat." "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." Albert Einstein

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2003-11-04 08:40:42

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the cardinal rule of television: "you cannot have more characters in your series than you have viewers."

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2003-11-06 11:49:25

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i talked to (the girl who is going to be refered to as) kathy (until i can figure out if that's actually her name or not) today. she works at the health center downstairs. she's a buisiness management major. she looks exponentially better everytime i see her. it's annoying. it's more annoying because heather keep pushing me to go out with her or something. shouldn't heather kinda be on the other side of things? so yeah. it's one of those things that isn't deep seated enough that i would even remember her if i didn't see her for a couple days, but i know where she works now and i can't not glance in when i walk by and i go by there like five times a day. and it seems that i can't get it across to heather that i'm not going to chase every 'what if' that comes my way for the rest of my life. how am i ever supposed to make a real relationship if i'm doing that? so yeah. i just had to write that down...

i saw you two when i was going the other way and you looked like the right size --jason in reference to me and kathy as she's quite tall

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2003-11-10 00:39:38

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ok so stuff... i spent all weekend with heather and/or her family. friday night i got dinner w/ my folks then met up with her after the football game she was at. we went of to lisa's (a friend of hers) house w/ mary and generally sat around lightly drinking and eating pizza. it ruled. eventually, more annoying people were going to be showing up and heather and i took our leave. we crashed it my place for a while and i took her home sometime around 0130. saturday morning, she came over and we saw mom off to rock island. we fooled around till like four when she had to leave for work. while she was at work, her mom and i bonded. we did a little bit of shopping and went out to dinner. it ruled. we talked for quite a while and i really like her. from what heather tells me, i went over pretty well as well which is a good thing as i wasn't putting on an act for her. around 2130, heather got off work and theoretically went to her boss' birthday party then to lisa's again to spend the night. it actuality, she went to fazoli's w/ mary then came over to my place. (remember, i have no parents right now.) so she stayed the night which ruled. it was the first time ever than it's really felt right to lay next to a girl. i've slept with (literally) five or six girls, but none of them just felt right forever. heather does. so we eventually got to sleep somewhere around 0200 and we were awake again by 0700. she called her dad and told him that she was going to go see me. (remember, she's "at lisa's") we stayed in bed till like 1300 making out, cuddling, and talking. it was wonderful. however, all good things come to an end and her daddy called asking if she could come help hang christmas lights. she got breakfast at my place, helped me clean up a bit, then went home. i was planning on working on my car a bit and possibly getting some other stuff done, but soon after she left, i just died. i fell down on the couch and stayed there until around 1730 at which point i gave her a call. she invited me over for dinner which i was a bit hesitant to go with as her family was being very high energy and i was totally dead. it worked out ok, because most of her family including her was dead. david (brother) just happened to have a lot of energy. so that burned for a while and even though i was pretty non-interactive, i had a good time. i tried to leave, but heather called me on my being drained and out of it, so we went back inside and talked. it was exactly what i'd been wanting for a long time. we were sitting in the extra bedroom/really big closet in her basement. david came in and threw a blanket over my shoulders. i thought that was awesome as we haven't had much interaction at all. i'm sure we'll figure eachother out one of these days. so heather and i sat and talked for a while and it was just nice. maybe fifteen minutes into the conversation, her mom came in with hot cocoa. how awesome is that? have i mentioned that i love her mom? so we sat and talked for around two hours which was just amazing. i've been wanting to sit and talk to her face to face like that for a long time. problem is we usually wind up making out. so this was really nice. eventually, around 2115, she convinced me that i really should get back to carbondale, and now, here i am and i'm going to bed.

i'm marrying your mom...

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2003-11-14 10:57:21

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A visiting novice said to a master, "I have been taught to carefully live by rules and not do anything that might cause me trouble, in order that I not do wrong." The master took a heavy stone, and dropped it on a small crystalline statuette, crushing it to dust. "I have protected that statue with a great stone, so that nothing can harm it."

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2003-11-17 02:44:26

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ok so this weekend: friday: went to my 0800 class. skipped my 0900 as i'm "dropping it" in as much as i'm not going to it any more because i'm going to fail it anyway. went home and emailed my boss to see if i could get the afternoon off so that i could go w/ heather to quincy. wound up doing a couple of things for work, then took off for o'fallon. get to o'fallon, no sweat. decided to drop in on heather instead of going the normal route of stopping by my folks and settling in first. called her to make sure she was home. first thing she asks me: "how was your test?" test? what test? fuck. i had a test today. what class was that in? did i go? what the fuck did i do in my 0800 class? i don't think i took a test... fuck, that was in my noon....which i didn't go to... oh well. i'll deal with it monday. went to her house and sat with her on her stairs for a little while. after while, she prodded me towards her room, then kinda ordered me to take a nap. (i was pretty obviously dead on my feet.) she was kinda trying to get ready to go, but i wanted to be close, so i was a bit of a pain in the ass which is always fun. wound up making out till her brother got home and walked in on us. i thought it was funny. she didn't so much. finished getting ready to go, then drove to quincy. the drive up wasn't too eventful. unfortunately, neither one of us turned out to be big in-car conversationalists. however, we had the cd player to keep us company. the highlight of the drive up was feeding her french fries. she's got a really cute smile when she's trying desperately not to be cute. forever later, we got to quincy and she showed me around the town a little. we went to the play that we were planning on going to and somewhere along the lines i had a realization: she always gives me shit about being quiet, but she talks all the bloody time and doesn't ever bother letting me in on enough information to even follow the conversation. it took me about .27 seconds to do something about it as soon as i figured it out. i shushed her (finger to her mouth), and asked billy (the guy she was talking to) what the hell they were talking about (making sure to mention the fact that heather sucks at allowing me into conversations). this turned out to work really well. the rest of the night at the play went well. heather and i cuddled some in the dark and meeting people went really well. the hard part of the evening was after the play and general group break down. we wound up in megan's room (where heather and i were staying the night) with phil and deana or something like that. well, phil and deana were talking/stressing about a bunch of high-school level drama shit that i really wasn't in the mood to deal with even if i had known anyone they were talking about. (very few things peve me more than people talking about other people.) so, i tried to disappear and generally sleep in the corner. unfortunately, heather kept making comments that i should be not-anti-social. so somewhere along the lines, i got tired of phil ranting about things that he really couldn't do anything about and stressing himself and everyone else out, so i threw a pillow at him. is that really such a bad thing? i don't think so... phil didn't seem to think so. heather didn't think so. however, megan went off on me. it sucked. she gave me a lecture on respecting other people's feelings and how it was soooo immature of me and how just because i wouldn't mind having a pillow thrown at me doesn't mean that phil would be ok with it. she continued on by comparing me with the special ed kids that she works with. i ended it by very calmly asking her why she was lecturing me. she shut up and the room got very quiet. i once again decided to go with the going to sleep idea. from this point, phil got more stressed out because he wanted to talk about bullshit, but he didn't want to piss me off. deana vocally decided that i didn't matter. (and she kept refering to me as "him" which was really irritating...i have a name) heather tried to stand up for me and take the blame, but at least in my eyes, it really didn't work. i told phil that i really didn't care and that i was just fucking with him and he seemed to take that and went back actively stressing about drama shit. after another eternity, they decided to go to bed and eventually, heather and i curled up and went to bed. saturday: i woke up at 0600. when i wake up a 0600 next to a girl, i tend to touch her. i like girls. they're soft, and warm, and smooth, and.... so, i annoyed heather for a couple hours as she did not wake up on her own accord at 0600, but rather at mine. i didn't want to wake her up, i just wanted to get comfortable again. but yeah, anyway. we drove back to o'fallon and the drive was about the same as the drive up. we parted ways for a couple hours and i took a nap. we were supposed to go to this guy tom's party before going to see an art show w/ jarod and rachael, but heather somehow got us out of that. heather managed to con me into dressing up anyway, which was a lot of fun. it was especially funny in that jarod and rachael showed up in jeans. so we went to the art show which was in this awesome beat to shit room. after that, the four of us went to olive garden which was the best time i've had in quite a while. the food was reasonable, but the company was fantastic. i had a glass of wine with dinner and it ruled. i haven't enjoyed life that much in as long as i can remember. after olive garden, we went and saw 'love actually'. not a bad movie. not a bad movie at all. and it gave me a chance to see heather being romantic. it was nice. after the movie, we went back to my place, then parted ways. heather and i to my house and jarod and rachael to wherever. heather and i wound up talking and making out till around 0430. we really need to schedule better so that we can talk more when we're tired of fooling around instead of having to go our separate ways. i'm sure we'll figure that out eventually. so, she left at 0430ish and i went to bed. sunday: i woke up at 3:30 this afternoon. it ruled. i got some breakfast and hung out w/ my folks for a while. i worked a bit on stella's carb and tried to get lisa running. neither of those really panned out. on a run to get more gas for the corvair, i took a pit stop and picked up heather. she watched me and dad muck around with the car for a while then we all went inside and she slept in a chair while i helped mom set up dinner. after dinner, heather and i went to meet everyone for dj's birthday. it was nice to see the guys playing nicely. even if "the guys" is changing members. i'm totally ok with that. it's nice to be part of a group that gets along. we didn't stay too long w/ the guys as i was hoping to get back to carbondale and get some sleep. heather and i wound up talking until 11. she compared my dj to her matt which i didn't see for a while, but the more i think about it, the more it makes sense. i have always had a connection with her. i knew her the first time i saw her. we light up around each other. but we'll never be a couple and that's ok. it's an interesting dynamic. after i took heather home and bid her goodnight (this was a two hour process...that's i'm growing rather attached to), i went back home and basically told my mom that i love heather and i'm getting to be really serious about her. (she had asked earlier and i kinda blew her off.) mom didn't seem to be ok with that. she said that heather had told her that she was "career oriented and not getting attached" which we (heather and i) both know is bull and she said it to protect herself and my mother. this is largly my fault as i focus on mom's faults and often forget that she's an amazing person and can deal with just about anything so long as she actually knows what's going on. so i called heather on my way out of town and told her that she needs to come clean and just me straight with my mom. she very deeply apologized for putting me in that kind of a place with my mom and said she would take care of it. when i called her to let her know that i made it here safe, she asked how she should go about it and i basically told her to do whatever feels right. i hope she goes the direct route and talks to mom sometime this week. we'll see... and now, i'm here in my room. and i'm going to bed.

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2003-11-18 13:38:46

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today is a sleepy day it is gloomy outside i almost convinced myself to skip my 0800 class this morning until i realized that i didn't have one i'm stressing over the whole heather and i and our families thing heather is stressing over the whole she and i and our families thing christine is trying to catch back up with me school kindof sucks work today is long. not bad, just long. the water out of the drinking fountain tastes like metal my hair is greasy i don't find the picture that they used for the main aids awareness week attractive at all. there were others that were much better. heather can't deal with me telling her that she's beautiful. this makes things hard for me. i thought she was beautiful the first time i saw her. now i'm allowed to tell her. i'm a giver and she has problems taking. grr. she's still beautiful... i'm sexually frustrated i wish i could lose myself enough to get plowed one of these nights i want loud music i want to curl up with heather i want to make out with heather and have time afterwards to talk i want to feel God more i want to know what i'm supposed to do i should be doing work...

killer lizard on board

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2003-11-20 08:51:42

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i need to shave more often...or something...scratchy neck is annoying...

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2003-12-01 09:45:28

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ok. so break. or...quite....possibly...not...that...focused...... i took my guitars home so that they wouldn't die in the fucking hot room and i didn't bring any of them back. this leaves me (quite obviously) in a state that is lacking that thing known as a guitar. oh well. i got a little mixer from doug the other day. i need to hook it up to something and see if it rules. if the reverb unit works at all, it's good enough for me. actually mixing anything is just an added benefit. i spent the last two nights of break talking (yes, actually talking) with heather out in front of her chiminea. i've got to say that they were two of the better nights of my life. we've been having some issues with being not exactly responsible and mature as of late. mostly on the front of staying out all night and rediculus phone bills. the part that i wasn't totally aware of is that she just kindof hasn't been keeping her parents aware of what she's up to on a memnt to moment basis. not that you should be checking in every five minutes or anything, but the common courtesy to let them know before they go to bed what you're up to. i was under the general impression that they knew what was going on before she showed up with me. after talking w/ her and her folks, i now know that they really don't know what we're up to and she has a bad habit of not calling and not telling them when/if she's coming home. so this is really something we need to work on. i'm really good about keeping in touch w/ my folks, but i'm really bad with thet staying out all night thing. i figure a lot of this will work out pretty easily if i just remind her to call her folks every now and then (like when i check in with mine). and the late night thing will also work itself out when we've both got classes and work and all that. on the work front, my aunt gave me the best idea ever. i should be an orderly. i think i'm going to do that. the pay is better than i'll get tutoring (which i still want to do if i have the time) and it'll be a good way to see if this is really what i want to do. i know i don't want to do computers for a living, but i need to see if this is really what i want. yeah, stuff. heather pretty much told me that not only is she ok with the idea of me going to the same school as her, she pretty much expects it. this makes things interesting. yes, i want to go to the same school with her, but having her liking that idea as well makes it really hard to be objective when looking at the programs available at the various schools i'm looking at. so yeah. this should be interesting. oh yeah: if i disappear for a month or so, feel free to assume that i blew my knee and i'm in the hospital. my left knee has been acting up. it's hurt for the last three days or so and it was really bad yesterday. loose and stiff and just not at all right. today, it doesn't feel weird in that whole falling apart kind of way, it just fucking hurts. so yeah.

dude, you scared the shit out of me...

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2003-12-01 10:59:42

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my mom is going to kill me. Dec 7: 6pm - sometime really late ; St. Louis Concert that I am NOT missing. Dec 8: 7:50 am ; Carbondale ECE351 final. ------------------------------------------------- this is going to suck. so the question is: do i lie and have them never know the better of it.... or do i tell them straight up what's going on, have them tell me "no" and defy them straight... like i said, this sucks.

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2003-12-01 15:32:57

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-are you going to be here next semester? -yes *grumble* insert frowning face here */grumble* -what was that? -nothing...

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2003-12-04 09:56:51

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one of these days, i really need to figure out how a relational database actually works

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2003-12-04 11:02:35

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They never found her body Just her diary by her bed It told about the fight they had And the words that she had said When he told her he was ridin' She said then I don't give a damn If you never come back from Cheyenne They she just went crazy Screamin' out his name She ran out into the ocean And to this day they claim That you can go down by the water And see her footprints in the sand 'Cause every night she walks the beaches of Cheyenne

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2003-12-05 09:21:49

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If you get an explicit email, how exactly do you show it to your boss, without looking guilty yourself? Silly! You don't show this to your boss! If I were you, I'd let the issue "bubble up" to management without putting a bullseye on my shirt. How to do this? Use the time-honored method of watercooler smalltalk. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. You met your coworkers there any chat about whatever. Occasionally you use that time to tentatively throw out an issue that bugs you and see if anyone else latches on to it. Bob: 'Morning Guy. 'Morning Sally. Sally: 'Morning boys! Guy: Hey everyone. How's things going? Bob: I just spent an hour cleaning up the code after that asshat Maurice committed a bunch of stuff that caused compiler warnings. Sure, they're not strictly errors but still we should strive to write good code. That really bugs me. Sally: Yeah? Well I got to work 30 minutes late today because there was an accident. It had been moved well off the road so there wasn't any reason for a slowdown in traffic. Except, of course, the fact that every little shithead had to gawk at other people's misery. *That* is what really bugs me. Guy: You know what really bugs me? All that goat porn spam that floods my Inbox. I mean, I like to look at naked girls like everyone but that stuff is sick! You know what I'm talking about? Bob: *cough* Sally: Um, I've got to go. Just remembered a meeting I'm supposed to be at. See you later, Bob. Mark my words: a few watercooler conversations like this and sooner or later word of the problem will trickle on up to management. Hope this helps, GMD

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2003-12-05 09:49:19

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so, i've been getting crap recently for not updating much. deal. really now....i write when i don't have anyone to talk to because i'll die or explode or something if i don't get this stuff out. so i'm an extrovert, right? but anyway. i don't really have the time/initiative to update regularly, nor do i really feel the need to talk about my day to day life for the time being. lots of things are changing right now and i'm trying to just accept most of them and not overanalyze. so that's where i'm at right now. stay tuned. updates will happen, but at about the same frequency they have been for the last couple weeks...

you....are.....one.......of us...

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2003-12-08 10:29:41

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The Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist ok. feel free to tell me i'm wrong. but assuming i'm not, this is just funny. Catholics say that during the Eucharist that the bread and wine are transubstantiated into Flesh and Blood. Protestants say that it's a symbol. The reason that this is so funny is that neither side understands the other. Coming from the Protestant side, I was under the impression that Catholics believe that the chemical composition of the bread and wine changes into that of flesh and blood. Now, this isn't at all what Catholic dogma says (as referenced from the few good Catholics that I know as well as the Catholic Encyclopedia linked to above.) What we're talking about here is a lot bigger than screwing around with chemicals. We're talking about spiritual understanding. When instituted properly (please excuse my bad phrasing), the bread and wine become the Flesh and Blood of Christ. (Flesh != flesh: flesh is something chemical that we have the ability to comprehend. Flesh is the Body of Christ, Holy Food.) It is the body of Christ. You have to thing beyond this world to get it which is the hard part. In the chemical/physical world, the bread and wine stay bread and wine. Any chemical analysis will show that they are bread and wine. Catholic dogma doesn't ever say that the chemical composition changes. It just says that the chemical composition doesn't matter. Composition is simply the outward appearance. What we're talking about now is what is. Ok, so even I think that argument is um...not well thought out. Maybe I'll present it better later. More likely than not, I'm going to wind up talking to a priest about it sometime before too long. Should it annoy me that I'm going to be Catholic here before too long?

I did my best; it wasn't much. I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch. I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you. And even though it all went wrong, I'll stand before the Lord of Song with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah!

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2003-12-09 02:05:29

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religion vs. spirituality my main reason for "going catholic" is that i want something that is going to kick my ass a little bit. i'm tired of watered down churches. i'm not saying that i'm going to buy into the whole that is catholic dogma. i'm not really planning on changing anything that i believe. (the fun one is going to be the fight about whether or not i've been baptized.) catholicism has a lot of reverence and generally being involved with your relationship with God assuming that you're putting in the effort and that's the effect you're going for. i know you can (probably easier) get the same effect on your own, but i haven't been doing such a good job of that as of late. that and i'm really sick of churches that are so involved in trying to get people in the doors that they don't have anything to tell them when they get there. i want to grow, not just be convinced to come back next week w/ another $5. yeah....

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2003-12-09 11:16:56

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continuing the discussion: i'm not really looking for shoving down my throat. moreso, somewhere that will push me to learn more...quite possibly because i don't agree with what's being said. most of the churches i've been to don't have enough conviction on any given topic such that you can really claim to agree or disagree. basically, what this comes down to is that i need to go talk to someone deep in the catholic faith. you know, like a priest or something...and see where things go from there.

there is no arizona....

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2003-12-09 11:31:49

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http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0892814012/americwiccabythe/103-6837259-2444635

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2003-12-09 13:19:47

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-thank you, michelle please make that look not aweful... -that's my job

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2003-12-10 14:33:55

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don't ask. http://geocities.com/forever_bleuchik87/srmain.html

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2003-12-11 13:03:50

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http://www.silkroad.com/papers/pdf/archives/defense-in-depth-revisited-one-column.pdf

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2003-12-11 14:53:56

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-wow...something with the school logo on it -actually, it's 'athletics' the wonders of working in the graphics office...

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2003-12-12 11:41:25

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i braided my hair today and it doesn't look like ass. halleluja.

Ah take good care of my baby Now don't you ever make her cry Just let your love surround her Make a rainbow all around her Don't let her see a cloudy sky

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2003-12-16 13:04:53

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http://members.cox.net/impunity/endofworld.swf

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2003-12-17 14:19:37

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when's the last time you got goosebumps traveling at 3 mph? -jeep

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2003-12-31 04:18:30

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so yeah, that whole writing thing just isn't happening. life is happening. if you know me, you know why. otherwise, read...or don't. i'm cranky right now. i should sleep. hopefully, i'm in a good mood tomorrow.

where do you think?

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2004-01-02 17:35:47

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Remind me to fix that. by that, I mean the lack of blog in the old section and Chrisworld 'cause he's to lazy to learn Pearl. -Chris

hehe

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2004-01-10 02:07:13

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MWHAHAHAHA!!! I have control of the Randy's Blog! Nothing can stop me now! Soon, Randy will be annexed into Chrisworld! MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Seriously, for those of you who use this as the main way of findin' out info on Randy's life, here's an update. He's all signed up for classes at SWIC and will graduate in the summer with 2 associates degrees. He's also considering takin' trainin' from SWIC so he can become an orderly. Randy is still datin' Heather, which is why there's been no updates in the last long while. Also, Randy's dad bought a motorcycle, which runs (more than I can say about mine from week to week). Randy plans on takin' the motorcycle saftey class at SWIC as soon as he can get in. This ends my update to you of Randy's life. I won't post to this again...least not on the main page like this. Hope everyone had a good Christmas/Haunika (I can't spell)/Kwansa/whatever and a Happy New Year. -Chris

Eh

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2004-01-10 16:10:37

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so, at some point, i really should have put in a password system or something such that random people can't update my log... =) naa, too much work. so yeah, the one thing that chris didn't mention is that not only am i not online because i have a girlfriend. i'm also not online because i'm getting away from computers in general. these things will suck down your life. i've been out living life instead of reading about others. i'm really happy about this. and as for now, i'm going to go clean my room...(isn't that exciting...)

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2004-01-16 08:54:24

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as of a couple days ago, the corvair runs again. the camaro's starter blew up when i tried to start it. heather is still trying to make me into a prep and not admitting it. today heather, chris, and myself go to the science center.

how's that for an update?

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2004-01-22 17:20:10

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classes don't suck i have too much free time and i'm trying like the dickens to not spend it here thoughts: i need a job i need to figure out this catholic thing i need to come up with something to do for valentine's day i need to be more spontanious (funny, eh?) yeah, that's it for now

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2004-02-20 09:16:57

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ok, so the main purpose of this post is to keep the autoarchiver from catching up with me. To respond to my last post: I have a job now. (I just need to do it.) I'm working at my old job in Carbondale. The main reason I was brought back on was that the school forced all departments to adopt a common header and footer which basically looks like ass on every page in existance. Not only that, but our page is totally dynamic and that makes things even more fun. So, they set a deadline of Feb 16 to have the bacon strip on everyone's page. One department got done in time. Any guesses which one? So anyway. Now I have to pretty things up and make it play nice with others. Should be enough to keep me well employed for a while. I haven't gone to the Catholic group in a while. Maybe a month or so, not really sure. I've been sleeping in instead. I really should change that this weekend. Cheryl doesn't believe me anymore that I'm not punking out on them. Oh well, I'll figure that out when I get there. Valentine's Day went really well. I fixed Heather a candlelight dinner, we cuddled in front of the fireplace, and we watched Ever After with my folks once they got home. All in all, it was a really good night. (White gold earrings -- never a bad idea =) As for being spontanious, I don't think that's going to change much. I don't really know. We'll have to see how things work out.

we need to look at schools...

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2004-02-23 14:37:06

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not really sure why the page vanished there...whatever...restart apache and it's back now...

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2004-02-29 17:41:21

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written while i was waiting for everyone to show up this morning...

so, I'm here again. I'm thinking things are starting around 10:30 these days. I should proll remember that. But yeah, that'll happen when the time comes. I think Cheryl assumes she lost me. It's been nearly a month since I was last here. So, what changes in a month? Maybe a lot. Maybe not much. I lost focus: I can tell you that much. I can comb my hair back now instead of the uber-trendy forward spiky thing. But then again, maybe no so much has changed. I went to see The Passion a few days ago. Many people were disturbed by the pure gore of it. That didn't even phase me. The thing that got me was the use of time. "And He was scourged" That's a really easy phrase to let roll off your back. It isn't so easy to forget watching a man beaten nearly to death with a cat'o'nine over the course of an hour. You don't forget the sound nor the blood stains on the ground. You don't forget them rolling the body over and having at His stomach. Maybe everything in this movie isn't exactly as it was. That's alright because it gets the point across. He suffered. Maybe the deathe and resurection are the most important things that happened but as a human being, I can't relate to that. Pain and suffering, I can relate to. I've been in blinding pain, but it doesn't hold a candle to what He went throught. So, basically what I'm getting at here is that this movie puts everything you already know right there in front of you. It's no longer an abstract idea that you can file away. It's now vivid real life with a hard sense of time. You don't easily get past that. At least I don't Ok, I ran out of topic but I didn't run out of paper. That's annoying. I'm back to feeling really out of place here. Maybe it's because of all the kids running around, I'm not really sure. I wonder what they're going to do with this place when they get the new church build out whereever. My main draw to this place is the feelings in the sanctuary. The place just feels right...

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2004-03-03 01:22:37

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i think i may go back to writing in this thing regularly again. recently, i've been putting heather to bed and then going home to my own. in as much, i've got some time right before i go to bed that i can think and write. i've been pretty well blocked for the last while. i haven't written anything good. i just haven't been in the mood. i have something very specific in mind that i want to write, but the time has never felt right or something like that. i want to sit heather down sometime when we actually have time without anyone showing up and i want to write what i see when i look at her. until i do this, i know i'm going to stay blocked. besides being poeticly blocked, i'm also at a spiritual impass. i went to the catholic inquirers class sunday and that was nice. mostly unrelated, i need to find a way to open up a bit to things. as heather commented earlier this evening, i was really open towards the end of carbondale, but that all pretty much went away when i got back home. i think it's just the fact that i'm home. this place kills me. i started to type up one of my papers from spcm forever ago. it's on the front page like everything else. i'll finish typing it up sometime. i'm not sure why i don't already have a digital copy...

i'm the persian sparkle in the periwinkle eye of the young girl you spotted on a road trip that summer. and i am the saline coated finger that set it there

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2004-03-03 01:32:20

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so this entry only exists to test the comment system...

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2004-03-03 01:52:33

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ok, so the comment thingy works and i updated chris' page so that it rolls at 30 days instead of the chunky 2 month backlog that lopped off a month at a time

so how much did you pay for your brand new guitar? and how much will i pay for the kisses you give, to pull up my skirt? to make me feel whole?

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2004-03-06 01:47:22

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robichaux is back in town. went to sns...just like old times. quieter. we're older. maybe not so much like old times. it's late. i have to be at the joseph farm in 5 hours and 15 minutes. i should go to bed.

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2004-03-11 11:02:25

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so that whole writing more often thing isn't so much working. today, dad and i are going to the dmv and the insurance guys to get the motorcylce and the corvair legally on the road. should be cool. other than that, i have class and a test today....exciting huh? the guys are looking at going to sikeston over the weekend, but i'm not so sure that i'm into it. driving 3 hours in the rain just to go eat and drive 3 hours back doesn't sound that great to me, nor does dropping $110 just to spend a night not at home. so yeah, that's my thoughts right now. i should get up and do something useful

go back to sleep

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2004-03-14 11:32:57

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ok. so i didn't go to sikeston w/ the guys. yesterday, i spent the great majority of the day working on the shed. it wasn't bad, but it would have been better if any of the other guys could have been there to help. but anyway, kenny and i got four rafters built and we should be able to finish up making rafters sometime this week. dad and i went over to the dmv and now the motorcycle and the corvair are officially licensed. dad's being a bit of a prick though saying that i can't move the corvair until i totally redo the brakes. that should be fun. i've got the camaro such that it will turn over now, but for some reason, it doesn't fire. i'm not currently sure as per why. it has spark on the lines and it has compression. i don't know if it's getting fuel or not. i don't know about the timing. i'm going to have to really fight with it one of these days and see what i can figure out. today, heather and i are going to go do something. the current plan is to fly kites in the park. that has full potential to be really cool. i can hope, right?

burton / lotus reminds me way way too much of raynor / kerrigan

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2004-03-22 19:23:17

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MS-DOS Airline Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again jump on again, and so on. Mac Airline All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie. OS/2 Airline To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill our a form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting on the plane and the plane succeeds in taking off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...except for the time when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you will just have time to say your prayers and get in crash position. Windows 95 Airline The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, and easy access to the plane. After the plane arrives, 6 months late, you have a completely uneventful takeoff... then, once in the air the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever. Windows NT Airline All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying. Unix Airline Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations.All passengers believe they got there. Mach Airline There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying one piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to inform them that they have arrived. Newton Airline After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name. After 46 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward announces that you have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers. VMS Airline The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realise that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors. Linux Airline Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?" taken from this guy

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2004-03-25 01:12:33

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i really need to update regularly. not like spend a lot of time on updates or anything, just write down what i did that day. that's why i started this thing in the first place: so that i would have a record of what i've been doing day to day. over the weekend, i took the basic rider course at swic. it was really not bad. i only put the bike down once and it was during an idle speed tight figure-eight: not exactly anything i'm ever going to have to do on the road. i replaced the dead turn-signal bulb on my bike and put the tach back on. now all i can do is wait for my completion card to show up in the mail. i'm going to die. got a couple of tests back. got a B on a bio test which is really sad. i've yet to take a note in that class and i've been getting upper 90's on the tests. i'm going to have to fix that. got a B on a chem test and i'm ok with that. i lost almost all of the points to signifigant figures. oh well. we started waveform and spectrum analization this week in chem. it's actually almost interesting. we're also talking about orbitals which is making a lot more sense this time around than it did when i was in high school. go figure, eh? heather has been really stressed this week thanks to a few tests and one really shitty teacher. she's also trying to get sick which is bad. i don't really know what i can do to help her out, but i'm trying... other than that, things are amazingly normal. i fixed the brakes on the mustang and now it pulls to the right. (which doesn't really surprise me in that the right side pads were worn down to the shoes and the left side were just to the top of the rivits, but i'd still like to fix it.) i should really go to bed.

When the toast is burned And all the milk has turned And Captain Crunch is waving farewell When the big one finds you May this song remind you That they don't serve breakfast in Hell

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2004-03-29 03:14:05

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tired. heather and i have been arguing more than usual recently. i know i'm fucking stressed out about school and other stuff so that's prolly not helping. i don't really know. she's prolly stressed too, but she's not really talking to me about it. once again, i don't know. i'm fucking tired. you know, at one time, i was the number one hit for a google search of "fuckina"...i want that back.

fuckina

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2004-04-05 02:14:17

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today, i didn't do much. i got up late so i didn't make it to church to hear jim's contata. that sucked. i took the bike out which was alright i guess if not a bit cold. went back home, then went out to brunch w/ mom & dad to dr. jazz in lebanon. bummed around doing nothing for a while. took the bike out again. it was warmer but still not comfortable. bummed around home some more. took a nap. went over to heather's. she's hurting and was in a bad mood. she went to bed, i talked to her mom for a few hours. came home. poked at perl mp3 stuff. ordered some essential oils. going to bed now.

you can leave now...

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2004-04-08 02:58:52

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heather's knee fell apart...again...been taking care of her college applications suck. fuckina.

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2004-04-14 21:12:29

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i don't really have anything to say. looking at insurance quotes.... fixing dad w/ new age hippie shit....

fuckina

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2004-04-15 14:59:39

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so, things.... not like you care, but here's my plan for the next month or so... this weekend, i'm hopefully working on the farm. this is basically because i'm not going to be around to work on the farm for the next long time and i need the money and i really should do what i can for kenny. weekend after that is my grandma's birthday and the whole family is making a big todo of that, so i'm going to be in rock island. this isn't a bad thing, especially in that my sister is coming down so i'll get to hang out w/ her. more later

stupid interruptions...fuckina

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2004-04-19 02:03:26

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heather's folks and mine met today. didn't go too badly.... this weekend, i'm going to RI for grandma's birthday weekend after that, heather and i are going to milwaukee to look at schools, namely marquette, uwm, and madison weekend after that, heather and i are going to kansas city to look at uhs... somewhere in there, i have to learn chemistry nomenclature and do two psych articles....fun... and i have to make sure i know what i'm doing for my bio lab practical...and my chem lab practical....and everything else for that matter.... i don't know what class(es) i'm taking this summer...it really depends on what will transfer to wherever i decide i'm going next year... i talked to kevin at apci about working there again this summer...he said he would talk to dan and get back to me...so we'll have to see what happens there....blah...

fuckina

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2004-04-19 02:34:41

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some new shit on the list on the front page...nothing really good, but it reminds me a lot of my angst-ridden older stuff....kinda fun to write...wrote it for no good reason in my adolescent psych class....

i should really go to bed....fuckina

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2004-04-19 02:35:55

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oh yeah, in case anyone cares, i'm back up to #6 on the google list for "fuckina"....soon, i shall once again have my rightful title and then i promise, i will stop ending every single post with "fuckina"

so there...fuckina

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2004-04-21 22:15:29

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it's fuckin creepy the sheer number of online diary listing sites out there...scary...

like you care...

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2004-04-22 20:49:19

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i'd really like to be working on my essay for marquette right now, but mom is fucking around down here behind me and there are very few things in life that annoy me more than that....so yeah...i'm not working on my application right now...fuckina...really, not just for the score...fuckina i love it when my parents fight....why doesn't someone just kill me...?

yes!...i asked for it to be done...and we didn't do it....

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2004-04-27 10:04:53

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um...i don't hate my life. i'll make a real entry sometime, i promise....

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2004-05-02 12:10:16

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so, heather and i went to milwaukee over the weekend. mainly, we went to check out marquette and uwm. as a side benifit, we got to bum around milwaukee and hang out with lisa who (i still don't understand why) heather (and evidently a bunch of othe people) thinks is the most attractive human being on the planet. when we first got in town, we dropped by lisa's place, chilled out for a few minutes, then went out to look around the city. it was odd seeing all the stuff that i haven't been around in years. much nicer context this time. i didn't feel out of place or confined to what i was supposed to be doing. i felt much more in tune with the other random people. anyways, our appointment at marquette was at 1300 so we wondered over that way and talked with whoever it was who had our name. they told us there was a presentation and then a guided tour and a bunch of normal this-is-what-college-is-all-about bullshit which didn't really sound like much fun, but hell, you play the game i suppose. well, after a couple of minutes, a girl came over to us and asked if we wanted to skip the bullshit and she'd take us around campus and show us what really matters as we're not exactly enamered college juniors anymore. so, we wandered around marquette which was awesome. the place feels commercial (as opposed to industrial). it's alive. everything is modern and high-tech. everything is colorful with elaborate architecture. basically, the place just drives. i like it. after the tour, we were dropped off at the admissions dept where we met with this lady that really pushed to sell the school. she pushed service projects and music outlets at heather and biomedical research co-ops at me. the program looks very nice and i like the idea of co-op as opposed to internship bullshit. (that and i can't really complain about $2500 a week as a trainee) we talked tuition (~$25k) and scholarship ( i'd be lucky ), cost of living (rent ~$550 for a single, split the heating bill) and life around the area. once again, this place makes me happy. after the appt, heather, lisa, and myself headed back to lisa's place to chill out for a while. i took a nap on the floor and heather and lisa talked about me. whatever. we went out to dinner at this neat movie theater that serves you food. saw home on the range, which wasn't terrible. it was nice to see that disney still understand drug induced, psychedelic, geomitricly influenced, dancing animals. after the movie we rented school of rock then went to bed. yesterday morning, we went to einstein bros bagels for breakfast , said our goodbyes with lisa, and headed towards uwm. uwm was a huge letdown. it's just like every other state school. it's like high-school, only bigger. social cliques, dark hallways, falling apart 50 year old wooden desks. it's pretty sad. we didn't stay long. on the way home, we stopped by the basilica of st. josaphat which we just happened to see off the interstate while driving south. the drive back was rather uneventful. heather slept most of the way and i listened to a lot of linkin park. we got in last night around 2000, talked to her folks, watched the last starfighter, talked to my folks, i put her to bed, then i went to bed. all in all, not a bad couple of days

why does shit always fall in your lap? -- i hate you.

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2004-05-03 03:17:56

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this just in: i'm up to #2 on google search for fuckina....sw33t...i had almost given up.... now back to your regularly scheduled bordom

fuckina...

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2004-05-03 23:57:05

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so, i'm doing a bit of research on my old job while filling out my app for marquette and i come upon some neat stuff. so i knew my boss was a shit, but damn. he's a netshit too.... http://unixgroup.com/accesssales/index.htm http://www.spamhaus.org/legal/cartoonies.html http://spews.org/html/S1695.html there's more if you look for it....

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2004-05-04 00:00:57

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anyone have any thoughts (good idea/bad idea) to put a real simple logon/cookie thing on the comments page...basically so you don't have to put your name in the comments...if it doesn't know you, it asks you once if you want to log in or stay anony....if you want it to know you i can do it w/ cookies or address recog or something like that...if not, it'll not ask you again based on addy recog or something....anyone like the idea / hate the idea?

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2004-05-04 01:43:06

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i just submitted my app to marquette...here's hoping....

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2004-05-04 01:51:51

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here is a copy of the app complete with essays...

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2004-05-05 02:58:48

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i totally face-lifted the front page...if you're me, using my laptop, in my living room, then it looks fantastic...if you're anything else, it most likely looks like ass. i'll fix it later. today was pretty normal up till tonight. it always seems to work out that if i'm happy, the rest of the world isn't. i'll be praying for all three of you...

[02:48:13] sol1981: so...are you goin' to get any sleep tonight? [02:48:46] cilynx: maybe [02:49:19] sol1981: heh. nothin' like havin' a good solid stance on an issue [02:49:24] cilynx: indeed

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2004-05-08 14:06:58

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http://www.epfarms.net/pricing.shtml

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2004-05-12 14:28:50

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it's almost time for me to get to class and i still have to get a shower. i've been trying pretty hard to not think about nick berg. the whole thing makes me feel like such a shit. it bothers the piss out of me that things like this are going on all the time all over the world and for all intents and purposes, i don't notice or care. is it my place to go and find everything that sucks about the world or should i be ok with the fact that this incindent almost makes me sick, but i don't even know about the countless others that are going on all the time. i spent most of last night wandering around the web finding everything i could that tells me that the human race sucks. forums about people who get off on death, hate groups, instructional sites on comitting suicide, many other things that i just don't want to think about now. i now know the addresses of many things that i never want to see again. things i never want to think about again, but i know i have to. these things are there. even if i delete my history, clear my cache, burn my computer, and go live in a hole in the woods, these people and this feeling of inhumanity are still out there in the real world. reality fucking blows sometimes. it's really fucking sad that generally speaking a populus only hears a tiny fraction of the atrocities going on around it based solely on the fact that if they heard them all, society would cease to function. people cannot fathom the amount of pain and suffering in the world. if you take the time to grieve for everything, life itself stops cold. so what do you do? you can ignore it and go on with your life like everything is fine. you can latch onto this one event and never notice the rest of them. that'll at least make you feel like a good person for a while. you'll feel conciencious of your surroundings and the pain of those you can't see. you'll feel this way at least until the hole in the pit of your stomach fixes itself and you find something else to distract you. pretty soon, you're back to life as usual. nothing fucking changed. given a couple months you'll hear the name nick berg and think wasn't he that contractor guy that got killed? you wont even think about it. you wont think about the countless others that have been slaughtered before or in the mean time. so this is my charge more to myself than anyone out there. go and fucking do something about it. kindness for strangers. compassion to people who you can't possibly relate to because your life really isn't all that bad. you can't fix the world. you can help one person at a time. the amazing concept of unnecessary death just boggles my mind. however, i can fathom people who can use my help.

i'll shut up now...

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2004-05-14 22:30:26

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my aunte and uncle have the fucking coolest house ever.

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2004-05-17 02:59:50

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well, we're home...i should sleep more...

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2004-05-18 13:52:09

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some things just aren't meant to be...

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2004-05-19 12:34:36

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her mom is having brain surgery in two weeks her brother won't talk about it her grandmother is coming into town her dad doesn't seem to be dealing with it her aunt is prolly also going to show up she's seriously considering not going to marquette with me but staying home and being with her family instead. maybe it makes me a selfish asshole, but i think she should come to marquette with me. i understand her loyalty to her family, but at some point, she's going to have to figure out that she has her own life and that the rest of her family is always going to have problems that need worked through. she isn't always going to be able to be there if she ever wants to have her own life. and there is the question: does she really want her own life. i'm not going to be able to do this if she doesn't. her mom agrees with me that eventually, she'll break off of her family and do her own thing. i hope we're right. but really, what the fuck do i know and who the fuck and i to ask her to do that? disclaimer: if you're one of the folks who talk to her, don't mention my ranting on here about it. i'm not hiding it or anything. she knows a keep this log and chooses not to read it. if she wants to read what i've got to say, she knows where to find it. she's just really taking this hard and i need somewhere to vent. feel free to acknowledge my opinions that you figure out from this and work them into whatever, just please don't go into the details when talking to her. this is a real life here and it's not mine to fuck up.

thanks...

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2004-05-20 00:02:01

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notes to self: fix login thingy check w/ marquette to see if they need my high school transcripts (i didn't think they did, heather thinks they do) clean out car one way or another, get an answer out of sawyer get some stuff done for carbondale go pick up can of enamal hardener

There's nothing like desire to prevent the things one says from having any resemblance to the things in one's mind.

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2004-05-20 02:19:53

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more notes to self: get ie working install garage machine figure out iptables better figure out vpn

What ever beauty may be, it has for its basis order, and for its essence unity. Beauty is not caused. It is.

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2004-05-26 04:59:19

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ok. stuff. i haven't been writing much because i've been pretty well dead by the time i get home at night. heather is sick and we can't figure out why. this is taking a lot out of me. i've been hanging out w/ jason and/or robichaux occasionally at night. by the time i get home, i'm just fucking dead. howesomeever, for some reason, i'm not tired tonight. because of that fact, i'm going to bed. i need to get work done tomorrow. oy.

Some say love It is a razor That leaves The heart to bleed

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2004-05-29 01:50:16

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ok annoying things in randy's life: 1. heather is hard core convinced that she's not going to get into marquette and when i leave she's going to break up with me. 2. siuc (especially mediacom) is a bunch of fucktards. i really hope they don't read this...

J: I would like to remind you that the Student Center Web site needs to use the official Web template. There are very few exceptions given for modifying the template. The Student Center's Web site is not one of the exceptions as your Web site has high public visibility. The text based template does not hold up well across browsers and more importantly monitor settings. let me know if you have any questions and when you can make this change. M: sorry for the delayed response - I am trying to get the Dawg Book completed currently. We are working on the change on the website. I have seen other sites which have modified the red bar across the top of the page to fill up the entire screen - is there any reason we cannot do that to at least ensure the aesthetic integrity of our site? I would prefer that the site does not look like it has been piecemealed together. J: We're going to have all sites comply. One problem we really see on high resolution screens is that the text becomes too spread across the screen to read comfortably without reducing the window size just for that particular site. Also the layout starts to fall apart. The Student Center is one of the Web sites heavily used by our publics, so we're going to have to figure out a way to do it. M: I'm sorry - I am a little confused here... I am not sure what you mean: " so we're going to have to figure out a way to do it " - meaning that we can't make the bar go all the way across? J: No, you can't, I meant we will have to figure out a way to insure that your site still looks good to you. Not patched together.

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2004-05-30 01:20:33

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neat

cleveland spelled backwards is "DNA Level C"

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2004-06-04 01:48:34

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stuff. sleep. fence building in the morning.

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2004-06-07 00:06:19

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i promise, i'll get back to writing about life sometime. right now, you'll find more info on the forums than you will anywhere else....

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2004-06-09 01:08:50

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well, today was interesting. today was heather's mom's surgery day. it looks like it went well. she's eating and walking around so that's a good thing. as per if it actually worked or not, we're not going to know for a couple of days. we'll see. while at the hospital, one of the mufflers fell off of the corvair. that was annoying. totally my fault which added to the annoying. anyways, i pulled it all the way off and drove home sans right hand muffler. it was loud and annoying. anyway. i'm home, the car is broken, i'll fix it later.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? Jean Kerr

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2004-06-09 13:51:55

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ok, fixed the muffler on the corvair. it wasn't terrible. david (heather's brother) helped. turns out one of the bolts that we used when putting the muffler up in the first place so amazingly wasn't the right size. thus, it slid out leaving things hanging only from one bolt. this bolt wasn't exactly up to the task of holding the muffler in place as i ran the car into the curb. anyway. two new bolt and a lot of rust in the eyes later, the muffler is on well. i even heated it up and properly torqued them. go me.

Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion. Margaret Cho

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2004-06-09 21:05:06

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Page 23: 1. Grab the nearest book. 2. Open the book to page 23. 3. Find the fifth sentence. 4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

e. Improper Valve timing.

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2004-06-12 13:47:53

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i'm tired of never fucking being able to do anything right. i'm tired of waiting around to see where my life is going. i'm tired of fighting for things that should be there to make my life easier in the first place. so, you ask, what exactly is pissing me off right now? 1) Marquette: fucking three weeks till i know if i got in or not. they told me that they didn't need my swic transcripts so i didn't bother having them sent. two and a half weeks into my first three week waiting period, they tell me that they need my swic transcripts after all and i have to start the whole process over. annoyed. 2) Work: somewhere along the lines, i completely lost my ability to manage time. i don't know why. it just seems like no matter what i do, all of a sudden it's five hours later and i've accomplished nothing. that is unless i'm on the clock. if i'm on the clock, i get everything i was planning done and look to see that it's been a grand total of like eleven minutes. fuck everything. 3) Heather: i'm fucking tired of everything having to be on her terms. she thinks she's so amazingly giving and to some extent she is. she's willing to sacrifice things, but then she gets upset when i don't do things the same way she does. she doesn't understand that leaving work at four is a big sacrifice for me. maybe everyone else in the wold normally quits work at five, but kenny works until dark. that's work that he needs done as well as hours that would be really nice to be paid for. it's not like i've got much else coming in. beyond that, she's all frustrated now and i have no idea why. she listed off a bunch of reasons ending with "and you're being difficult today" what the fuck? i didn't think i did anything wrong today. generally speaking, i at least have some clue as per what's wrong. i'd go into more detail, but i'm upset and it's really not worth it. fucking stress. there's other stuff too, but i really don't care enough to write it down. fuckina.

There is in true beauty something which vulgar souls cannot admire. - William Congreve

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2004-06-14 04:01:52

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the roller coaster is getting old. i need to sleep more at night. i miss my heather. i'm going to bed...

four....

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2004-06-14 12:48:22

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"didn't you hear anything i just said? she's getting worse. one more person there is not what we need. i'll talk to you tomorrow." what the fuck ever. i love her to death, but one day she's got to learn that you can't exclude the people who are close to you from the hard parts of your life.

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2004-06-14 13:22:47

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serious question: how do i keep her involved in my life and give her an idea of where i'm coming from and generally what's going on in my head, all without adding to her stress level and making her feel like she has to support me, all while supporting her when she has a really hard time being supported? i know what i'm asking for is impossible. i'm just trying to get closer to it than where we are now...

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2004-06-16 15:43:28

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i think i just received the most beautiful thing i've ever read. self proclaimed, writing isn't her forté, but i think she does a pretty damn good job when she tries. i've always found it interesting how much this site gets me into trouble. it makes me think sometime that keeping a private journal might have been a better idea. but every time that idea crosses my mind, i think about the fact that i really do want everyone that matters to know the shit that flies around it my head. maybe it's what i really think, maybe it isn't. that's left as an exercise to the reader. generally speaking, heather doesn't read this page, and that's on purpose on her part. she doesn't want to see my day to day melodrama crap and really, i don't blame her. however, she does read it every now and then. most recently, she called me on making her out to be the bad guy. as i told her, this makes sense to me. if you know me at all, then you know that i love heather more than anything and i'll do anything that i can for her. more than likely, i've ditched you more than once to be with her whether it was something importand for her or not. if you don't know me at all, then your opinion doesn't really matter to this relationship at all, now does it? but anyway, what i was getting at in the first place is that it makes perfect sense to me that when writing in my log that i'm going to make her out to be the bad guy. this is my venting space where i whine about why the world is out to get my and i never do anything wrong. i don't actually think that i'm perfect, but you have to know that. i don't have to tell the world that, it's obvious. i think most people make themselves up to be the hero in their own ramblings. it's only natural. well, i think i've said the same thing enough times now in different ways. i'm going to go draw a flower....

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2004-06-17 00:17:24

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heather and i are getting a lot better. i'm trying to be more active in showing her that i'm there for her and she's working on letting me know what she appreciates and what she doesn't. we cuddled happily tonight. it was wonderful.

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2004-06-19 00:30:53

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today's rundown: i got up this morning when heather called me from work asking what we were doing about lynette's wedding. we went through the general plan as well as some basic planning about a gift. i got up, installed vmware -> installed xp -> installed sp2 -> installed quickbooks. now i can figure out how it actually works and have heather show me what it needs to do without breaking the systems at the office. work line #2: jason is checking to see if his dad's office wants me to fix their system. work line #3: stuff at cdale is going well considering that i have to put the stupid shit template back in place. at least it'll be a lot of hours. i think i can actually make it compliant. work line #4: working w/ kenny tomorrow morning...moving a piano. excitng, eh? anyways, robichaux called and i went to hang out w/ him before he had to go to work. we played zero hour for a while. i still suck at it. oh well. eventually, he had to get to work and heather called about the same time to tell me that she was home early and that there was a storm coming so i might want not to bring the bike. so, i went over there and things were less stressful than i expected. generally speaking, everyone is handling things better these last couple days. maybe it's because heather is chilled out more so she can better be there for them. or maybe my perspective is just different because i'm chilled out more. heather, dave, and i went out to dinner then came back and watched zoolander. it's not a bad flick. nothing life changing, but a good flick to cuddle to w/ other people in the room. things w/ heather and i are still going well. i'm really happy with where things are going. it's amazing what you can accomplish with just a little effort.

are you trying to start something...?

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2004-06-19 00:38:31

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oh yeah, something else i wanted to mention: a couple months back, i borrowed a crystal vase of my mom's to put some flower in for heather. i've always liked this vase. it's got to be my favorite thing in the china closet. well, like i said, i took it, put some flowers in it and made it very clear to heather that she couldn't keep the vase as it was mom's not mine. well, earlier today, mom told me that she wanted the vase back. i put up very small protest, told her that i would bring it back, then set about planning on acquiring another vase for heather's headboard. well, tonight, mom pulled me aside and said: "you know that vase you like. i've decided what i'm going to do with it. i'm going to give it to my little boy. you can do whatever you want with it." she's was really genuine and it was probably the most meaningful thing anyone has ever given me. even though i know you'll never read this: thank you, mom.

i'm going to give it to my little boy...

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2004-06-22 12:54:11

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on the good hand, i got into marquette... on the other hand, heather is now actively panicking about her status... hopefully everything works out well.

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2004-06-23 03:39:57

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today was hard. talked with heather quite a bit about what we're going to do if she doesn't get into marquette. she's dead set on not even trying to stay together. however, she's also dead set on hating whatever school she winds up at. it's frustrating how we don't think the same way. she's very goal oriented and in as much is willing to give up anything to be a doctor. me, i'm more about here and now. whatever is going to happen is going to happen, i'd rather enjoy my life day to day. i don't know that i'm getting tomorrow. so things there are difficult at best. we're ok with each other, but she's really scared about the whole school thing and i just don't know how to help her. i'll i can do is pray that she get's in. i cried for the first time in a while today. it was interesting. i was sitting in the car waiting for her to get back (she was in cvs buying her mom cigarettes and we were in the middle of a fight) and "the reason" came on the radio. i've heard the song a million times, but i've never really listened to it. the first stanza got me started and i cried and sang the rest of the song. she came back out just as i was drying my tears.

I'm not a perfect person There's many things I wish I didn't do But I continue learning I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is you I'm sorry that I hurt you It's something I must live with everyday And all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away And be the one who catches all your tears Thats why i need you to hear I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is You [x4] I'm not a perfect person I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is you I've found a reason to show A side of me you didn't know A reason for all that I do And the reason is you

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2004-06-29 02:42:59

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i should really update more often...heather and i are going up to milwaukee weekend after next to try to find an apartment...i should really put some time into stewie...i should also put some time into work...but work owes me money so i'm not really driven to do anything useful...

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2004-07-02 23:59:20

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i'm making this entry on the slowest, shittiest connection i have ever used. (9600 baud to be specific) however, i'm not paying for it and i may as well be in the park.

no carrier

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2004-07-04 13:36:28

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i need to remember to sut up fetchyahoo to deliver to qmail...

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2004-07-06 12:23:43

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so, yesterday, i helped some of my folks' friends pack up a moving truck. out of the deal, i got a pioneer 780 receiver and a set of 3-way 40w pioneer speakers. the receiver is basically the same one that jason has so i knew it had to be pretty good. i hooked it up today and i have to say it's one of the nice sounding combos i've heard in a while. the power handling is amazing. right now, my ears feel a little weird but i can reliably say that you can feel the air shock of a bass hit on the other side of the room. bass ports are the best invention ever.

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2004-07-08 17:36:52

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the only way for three people to keep a secret is if two of them are dead. -bf

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2004-07-08 19:01:17

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Admittedly, a lot of advice given in the book can be found on Google, but it is nice to find it in one place. Well duh... Google knows everything, therefore includes any book, just like sea water contains sugar (and almost any known chemical compound) but it's so diluted it would make a lousy sweetener. Therefore, books are good, whether or not Google contains the information in the book.

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2004-07-14 02:36:55

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ok, so i figure i should make an update. i really need to get back to updating the day things happen so that i don't forget everything i've ever done. short and sweet: went to milwaukee it was fun got an apartment set up classes at marquette got heather into school drove around a lot ---------------------------------- today i basically sat around feeling sorry for myself even though there really isn't anything wrong. in other words, i spent the day coming down from the trip. today was also the first day of dancing class. i now know how to fox trot and i could teach someone to polka although i can't really claim to be able to do it myself. either way, it's a lot of fun. it's fun to push heather around =). really, the most fun part about it is the meld. i really didn't figure it would happen on day one, but it did. i like it. ok...i really should get to bed.

andy, you're a star....in nobody's eyes but mine...

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2004-07-21 23:07:25

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had one of my most serious and amazingly awkward talks w/ heather tonight. there's a lot more that i want to say, but i think it'll just make things worse. going to milwaukee again tomorrow. don't think i'll mention anything until after that. she has a placement test to take and we're going to sign our lease...

i want to pretend i never started this conversation...

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2004-07-22 00:37:38

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Today is Day One.

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2004-08-03 02:38:14

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I'm tired of looking this up...

It is quite possible to add your own shortcut keys to Metacity to run whatever commands you like. Let's assume we want Control-e to launch gedit for us. * Run gconf-editor (in rh9, at least, it is also available in the menu->System Tools->More System Tools->Configuration Editor). * Go to "Apps->Metacity->Keybinding Commands" Here we have a list of twelve slots for commands. We want one of them (command_3, say) to run gedit: Double click (or right-click and choose "Edit key" in the popup-menu), and you will get to edit the key. In "Key Value", enter "gedit". Press OK. Note that there is a bit of explanatory text at the bottom of the gconf-editor screen. We have our command, but now we must also tell Metacity what key to press to run it. Go to "Global keybindings" (in the list to the left). As you see, there are a lot of stuff to bind keys to. Scroll down until you find the line "run_command_3" - it's about in the middle of the list. * Select the line and double-click or select "Edit key". Change the key value to "e". Press "Ok". You're done! Try it by pressing ctrl-e and you should get a gedit window. Gconf saves stuff immediately as you enter it, and also notifies the application (Metacity, in our case) immediately, so there is no need to save or restart anything.

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2004-08-05 02:11:50

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today, i threw out my box of brook shit. oh yeah...and someone slashed my tires...

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2004-08-11 15:59:14

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damn dyslexia....i wonder if there's a name for this

c. pp/checkcashing p/

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2004-08-23 21:49:47

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i should really update more often...

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2004-08-23 22:37:27

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todo: Stafford Load eMPN Renter's Insurance Get a Fucking Job Don't Forget Orientation Finish Citibank Loan

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2004-08-23 23:12:51

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ok...update time in case anyone hasn't been let into the loop yet, i'm now in milwaukee, or more specifically, glendale, in my new appartment with heather. i'm still working for siuc but i'm looking for work around here. we'll see how that goes. today, i picked up my books and got my id card. once again, it is the worst picture ever. i'm "borrowing" someone's wireless lan to get on the internet. i don't feel too bad about it as i emailed them including instructions on how to set up wep as well as mac address filtering on their router. heather and i are doing pretty well. same problems as before, but that's pretty much expected. we're both starting to level a little and i know that's going to get a lot better when classes and things start. today i looked up the bus routes and it looks like my best alternative is going to be driving to the park and ride at bayshore and taking a 45 minute scenic ride into downtown. it's only a 13 minute drive on the interstate (assuming little traffic), but i don't want to deal with parking in the city and i really don't want to put my car through all that shit. i'm sure there's more stuff, but i'm not really with it right now. i'm going to bed...

there's not even a lifeguard in there or anything...

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2004-09-06 22:47:48

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Citiassist Loan is done. Now, they have to call me when my check is ready. Woo. I still need renter's insurance I still need to get a fucking job....though carbondale has me burried.... Orientation didn't suck, but I didn't go to much A couple of kids in my bien lab have been trying to convince me to join the band. i don't think i'm going to although it could be fun. i dunno. I think I've got a new cantidate for Linux convert...his name is chris and he's in my hw/sw class. seems to generally know his shit and he's got the desire. hell, if nothing else, it's someone to talk shop with.... not really in the mood to update, so i think i'm done...

you don't know what it's like....

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2004-09-09 10:27:59

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bursar finally contacted me...financial aid is in...monitary worries are over.

wee. hoo.

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2004-09-09 10:48:19

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you ever get that feeling that you've done something but you can't prove it? i KNOW...i FUCKING KNOW that i wrote an SSI / Perl implimentation of a weekly menu rotating thing w/ support for random menu interjection. I remember using modulo to figure out which week to use. However, there is no evidence of this project on any machine that i have access to....WTF?

WTF

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2004-09-10 09:30:07

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good ideas for college: don't suck senior year of high school. apply to every fucking school you want to go to. if you want to go to a big name school, apply to big name schools. do NOT go to community college. do NOT go to a state school. deciding if you should transfer or not: if your current location is eating your soul, leave. if you truely believe that no one outside of a 500 mile radius has heard of your school, leave. if neither of the above are true, stay. generally speaking, DO NOT TRANSFER. TRANSFERRING COSTS MONEY AND YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. and one more thing: apply to marquette. just do it. this place rules.

a robot built to walk on water, much like small insects, bugs, and of course, Jesus.

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2004-09-13 09:02:29

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I find it interesting that all of the guys are really down and generally bored with each other. It does make me happy though that they're no longer satisfied doing nothing. I think the crux of the problem pretty much gives away the solution. Who is the strongest personality in the group? Kevin. What does Kevin like to do? Watch movies, play video games, and drink. So what does the group wind up doing? Exactly. I think a big part of what the group lost is the time after. Back in the day, we would watch a movie or something, then sit around and talk for 17 hours. Nowadays, after the movie, it seems that everyone goes their separate ways. I don't know if they just don't have anything to talk about or what? Personally, I'm too disconnected now to really see. I don't think there's anything I can do or even that it's my place if there were, but I'm curious to see how everyone deals with this. I know that none of them are happy with half-hearted relationships. Jason - to answer your question, yes, I am happy here. I'm finding that it's easy to be active in things and still have time to get my classwork done as well as make some money. Heather and I are getting better every day. Things are just generally going really well right now. I think this is going to work out very well. Prompt: (As long as we are being positive) If you died tomorrow and discovered that you had to "haunt" something that is defined by realistic borders (i.e. walls, state lines, whatever...) where would it be. Why would you choose that place. What do you think you would do with your "haunting" time? If I had no chance at interaction, I think I would go with a library or a newstand or something like that which could keep me occupied. If I could interact to some extent, I'd go for James Van Praagh's studio cause he's at least open to the idea. Or maybe I'd just go for a girl's locker room or a department store changing room or something like that. Who knows? I know I keep bringing this up, but it's ultimatum time: If you want a project car, it's there. Dad wants cammy gone. He and mom are on a long trip right now, getting back sometime in October. When he gets back if there is no plan for it to go to someone else, he's donating it for the tax write-off. Personally, I can't do anything about it. I'm not going to have time to even really think about that thing for at least four years. I'm not looking for someone to hold it for me, if you want it, take it. Dad will sell it to you for like $1. He might even take that dollar and buy you a coke. It's your car, your project, your problem, your love. Otherwise she's going away away...

you're always here when i get here...

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2004-09-16 13:27:00

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Just to cut to the chase...i wonder how many people actually bothered to solve the problems and how many people just looked up the others' answers. Google, being google had to expect this. Even if all the "winners" aren't math geniuses, I suppose the S/N ratio is still higher than it would be otherwise. And if you have no idea what I'm talking about: http://www.google.com/googleblog/2004/07/warning-we-brake-for-number-theory.html

Congratulations. Nice work. Well done. Mazel tov. You've made it to Google Labs and we're glad you're here. One thing we learned while building Google is that it's easier to find what you're looking for if it comes looking for you. What we're looking for are the best engineers in the world. And here you are. As you can imagine, we get many, many resumes every day, so we developed this little process to increase the signal to noise ratio. We apologize for taking so much of your time just to ask you to consider working with us. We hope you'll feel it was worthwhile when you look at some of the interesting projects we're developing right now. You'll find links to more information about our efforts below, but before you get immersed in machine learning and genetic algorithms, please send your resume to us at problem-solver@google.com. We're tackling a lot of engineering challenges that may not actually be solvable. If they are, they'll change a lot of things. If they're not, well, it will be fun to try anyway. We could use your big, magnificent brain to help us find out.

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2005-01-20 00:11:27

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Well, I made it to Milwaukee. (It was a long trip.) School started this week and I don't hate it, which is good. I only have one class I'm not going to enjoy and it's my 600 (literally) person biology lecture. Blech. Anyway. I was working a lot last week so I should be getting a reasonable paycheck or two, but I really need to figure out what I'm going to do now to stay employed. I'm running out of good ideas / renovations. I should get a shower and get to bed....

Are your speakers broken?

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2005-01-20 00:16:08

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and for those of you who don't keep up w/ the forums... http://www.wolfteck.com/pixlatch/

Do you understand the .JPG problem?

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2005-01-21 23:14:33

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Today was long. On the upside, we're looking at 6" of snow tonight and there's already a good coat on the ground. It's really pretty actually. Heather's car is quasi dying, but my car is doing well as she always does when I need her to. I'm supposed to meet a guy about a band tomorrow, but snow may have something to say about preventing that. We'll see. At any rate, I'm going to bed.

Pretty.

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2005-01-22 23:32:29

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Today, we stayed inside because of snow. Actually, we went to the store which is a couple blocks away and I went and met the guy from the band that I might be in at Starbucks a couple of blocks the other direction. My car does not like plowing through 6"+ of snow. Weather permitting, I'm going w/ Jason (from the band) to his friend's studio where they are currently remixing a demo of the current songlist. The guy who had been playing bass before lived in Chicago or some such and was cancelling practice all the time. Go figure. He wound up bailing out of the band due to life commitments. Jason FTB mentioned that this "may be the real deal" adding "but I'm not going to actually allow myself to hope for that". I find it amusing that everyone starting a band, even if they've been starting it for 15 years, expects to make it big. I honestly hope the band doesn't make it far out of the local scene. I've got school to finish and real life to get on to. You know I love the rock and roll lifestyle, but it's not what I want. I want to finish school, get a research position I enjoy, settle down with my Heather, raise kids, and live happily ever after. It would however, be nice to play in a band on the weekends. So, that's what's going on here. Why don't the rest of you get to updating? (I know, I know, why don't I just answer my damn phone? I'll call you tomorrow, Chris. God help me if I forget again...)

How much did you pay for the chunk of his guitar, The one he ruthlessly smashed at the end of the show? And how much will he pay for a brand new guitar, One which he'll ruthlessly smash at the end of another show? And how long will the workers keep building him new ones? As long as their soda cans are red, white, and blue ones.

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2005-01-23 23:05:11

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This eveninig, I went w/ jftb to meet the mastering guy that he knows. It turns out that Trevor is pretty much the only CD mastering studio in Milwaukee and this place is fucking posh (which is really cool considering the outside of the building is really anonymous / falling apart). Anyway, first practice is Thursdayish. We'll see how it goes. And for the recond: I'm not leaving Heather for the so called hot lead singer.

I feel so stupid for not buying the building next door...

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2005-01-25 00:09:11

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Today was an easy day. Class was easy. Went to the gym and killed myself and that was easy. Helped Heather with homework and that went well. Talked to Jason and Chris which was nice. Talked to JFTB which was easy as I haven't really listened to the music yet. Tomorrow is going to be hard.

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2005-01-25 11:42:38

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In case anyone is interested, I ripped the CD I have to work with here.

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2005-01-25 22:41:08

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Today was long. It tends to happen that way on Tuesdays. Lab today was fun. We were playing with single light sensor Mindstorms trying to get them to follow a line. Fun stuff. Anyway, I didn't get any of my homework done and I'm not doing it now. I'm going to bed. We'll see what I can accomplish in the morning.

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2005-01-26 23:13:25

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I've been playing with Flash for work. Um yeah. Sleep. Click Me.

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2005-01-30 22:22:48

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Tonight was the first practice for The Band. I've got to say that it went well. The worst part is that I lost the tip of my right ring finger. There is more cool story, but if you really want to know, ask Heather. I'm tired and going to bed.

...especially considering he was making it all up just now...

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2005-01-31 12:31:09

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man, you've got a big office... -random old guy w/ a cane walking around me as i sit in the hall working...

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2005-02-02 21:48:20

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so on tuesday, i broke the school record for speed in completing a let's-follow-the-black-line course w/ a robot w/ nothing more than two independant treads and one light sensor. my code is here. The funny thing about this is that on the way home, I came up with a step up/down theory that would make it much smoother and thus faster on the straightaways and possibly even speed up sweeping turns. It could cost a little on the tight turns, but I think my tolerances are tight enough to start with that it doesn't matter... anyway...must learn biology tonight....

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2005-02-06 00:49:19

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OK, here's the official scoop. There is a hole in my ceiling and I'm pretty damn sure there's mold there. Water damage. And guess what, our landlord not only doesn't want to compensate us for not being able to use the bedroom for two weeks, they sent out painters today to paint over the damage instead of replacing the molding sections. This is the appendix of a letter I'm sending to the company's corporate office and prolly the BBB after that...WooFuckingHoo

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2005-02-08 09:11:06

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UPDATE: We talked to the Stritch liaison who's been working w/ The Coventry for years. Evidently, corruption goes up pretty high in the chain of command. They purposly hire people who won't spend money on the tenants and fire those who do. Terri was actually hired because she's a bitch. They pay her exorbitant amounts of money to basically strong-arm tenants into submission. Water damage and toxic air quality seem to be running trends with this place. Terri's just been so good at her job that no one has been willing to push back. Yesterday, I called the North Shore Health Department. They and the Glendale Building Inspectors will be on the property today. Terri's gonna have kittens. And I'm looking for a new place to live...

-We went down to the office and... -Terri. The Stritch lady cutting Heather off before she could even mention Terri's name.

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2005-02-08 15:43:35

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http://folio.legis.state.wi.us/cgi-bin/om_isapi.dll?clientID=46671587&infobase=stats.nfo&jump=704.07%283%29&softpage=Document#JUMPDEST_704.07(3)

(4) Untenantability. If the premises become untenantable because of damage by fire, water or other casualty or because of any condition hazardous to health, or if there is a substantial violation of sub. (2) materially affecting the health or safety of the tenant, the tenant may remove from the premises unless the landlord proceeds promptly to repair or rebuild or eliminate the health hazard or the substantial violation of sub. (2) materially affecting the health or safety of the tenant; or the tenant may remove if the inconvenience to the tenant by reason of the nature and period of repair, rebuilding or elimination would impose undue hardship on the tenant. If the tenant remains in possession, rent abates to the extent the tenant is deprived of the full normal use of the premises. This section does not authorize rent to be withheld in full, if the tenant remains in possession. If the tenant justifiably moves out under this subsection, the tenant is not liable for rent after the premises become untenantable and the landlord must repay any rent paid in advance apportioned to the period after the premises become untenantable. This subsection is inapplicable if the damage or condition is caused by negligence or improper use by the tenant.

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2005-02-10 14:19:13

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update on the story for today...and while we've yet to officially have a way out of our lease, we are actively looking around for a new place to live.

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2005-02-15 21:59:35

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blessed:/usr/src/linux# uptime 21:58:58 up 79 days, 10:13, 4 users, load average: 0.20, 0.25, 0.26 blessed:/usr/src/linux# reboot

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2005-02-15 23:51:53

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I haven't written in a couple of days because I haven't had much to say. I'm having a hard time concentrating on school, but that's what I need to be doing. On the whole apartment situation, we're laying low until the state inspector comes on Thursday. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. Exciting. Now I go to bed. If anyone cares, while pixlatch is in hiatus, my pictures are on tranq.

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2005-03-01 15:28:27

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Overheard in the pit...

Everything you do will kill you. It doesn't matter how safe you are, you're gonna die.

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2005-03-06 09:40:04

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Life has been really sucking recently. It seems to be going around. I think most of you know about the fight that Heather and I have been having with our landlord over the enviromental inhospitability of our apartment. Haven't heard back from the state inspector yet. I'm going to call Pegs on Monday and see if she's heard anything. Heather and I have been having our own share of difficulties. She has severe trust issues thanks to an old boyfriend and she is so susceptible to the statistics that no relationship works out. Her natural impulse is, and always has been, to be a nun. I don't know where to stand on that whole thing. I think she's looking into it for the wrong reasons. She keeps trying to tell me that she would still have relationships with people. My problem is that they would all be safe relationships. She wouldn't have anyone push her to be more than she acts. She wouldn't have the possibility of having her heart ripped out. Basically, she would just be safe. On the other hand, who the hell am I to try to talk her out of a life of service to God? Maybe that's her calling. I really wish there were more people I could talk to who know her. So, as of yesterday, we were pretty much caught up on schoolwork and I'm getting back into the swing of work-work. We watched a couple movies together over the weekend and things were generally going ok. Then her mom called. Evidently, her parents are considering getting divorced. I held her on the couch for quite a while. She even asked me for a hug. (This is really big for her. Her usual impulse would be to push everyone as far away as possible and handle it on her own.) I fixed her dinner (in as much as I put a take-n-bake pizza in the oven) and we sat on the couch, me holding her, and watched stupid movies on TBS all night. Towards the end of the night, she started going on about how all relationships are pointless, our included, as they never work out anyway. She declared that if they do get divorced, she's moving back to O'Fallon to take care of her mom. Suffice to say, things are not going well. I know she's just having natural reactions and I'm not going anywhere, but it's still hard. It's harder for her, I know. Right now, she's still in bed. She usually sleeps 2-4 hours after I get up. I'm pretty sure she's been in a bit of a depression for a while. She doesn't think she is. We'll see, I suppose. On an up-note, I bought a toy to help me deal with my stress. I am the proud owner of a 1978 Honda CX500Z. (Z for Zero...the first production run...before all the cool advancements.) It pretty much looks like this. Take away the luggage rack and add 2-into-1 exhaust on the right side and you've got my bike. I got it for $300 in non-running condition. Twenty minutes with some jumper cables and a can of starting spray and she was running. A couple of hours dicking around with carb adjustments and she was running and idling well. Ten minutes to cram the front brake cylinder back in and she moves. Now I have a couple of electrical gremlins to sort out and crash bars to install and she'll be ready for the road. So, life goes. Things are hard, but I'm trying not to be too down about it...

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2005-03-06 11:08:11

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Bike pictures here. I figured out what it sounds like. It sounds like a hick-class stock car. Really loose in the exhaust. I dig it.

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2005-03-09 17:44:22

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I'm going to once again try to get back into the habit of writing. (This topic spawned by Josh's quitting writing.) I don't write in this thing because I need a place to vent. I don't write here looking for support. I do all that stuff in person. I use my log as a way to remember what's going on and to informally inform everyone who cares to read it about the basic things going on in my life. As anyone who really knows me knows, the good details are never in my log. That said, I'm looking to get back on the horse. I want some reasonable documentation so that I can remember what's been going on from day to day. Basically, this is my memory. I know that my random event memory is terrible and is going to make for some major problems later in life. However, my relative/linear memory is fantastic so if I can learn to leverage that now, I just might make it through. That said, today has been pretty average. I went to class. I have physics homework due tomorrow which I can't put off to the last minute because I need to start impressing my teacher instead of going on his grace that I'm an intellegent human being. Tomorrow is my birthday. Heather is sick. My parents are considering coming up this weekend, but the van has been acting up a bit so that may not happen. I took the bike around the garage again today. It's on reserve, so I can't burn much more gas until I can actually put it on the road and get to a gas station. A gas can is not very high on the infinate list of things to buy when I have a spare $10. We're trying to get back in control of our finances. The whole mold fiasco really fucked us up. I am dead set that we will be back on positive income by the end of the week and we will be credit card debt free by May.

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2005-03-12 08:57:52

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I know none of you who read this care, but I want Google to spider in from somewhere: Honda CX/GL Tech Reference Honda CX/GL US Forum The support for these things is outstanding outside of the US. I'm trying to make a gathering place for those of us who can't run down to the shoppe and drop a few GBP on parts....

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2005-03-20 20:38:57

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I'm never going to stay on the freakin horse. But I have a pretty girl looking at me. So it can't be all bad.

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2005-03-29 00:50:51

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We're going back home tomorrow. We've been in O'Fallon for about a week. I've taken very close the reasons that I love and hate coming back to this place. I don't have much of any responsibility here. My parents don't get along. My friends don't realize that the group is falling apart. Heather and I always have problems with everything else distracting us from each other. With my banter out of the way, I've got some things I need to say to each of "the guys". If I don't mention you, it probably means that I'm not worried about your path. Jason More than any of the others, you need to get the hell out of Dodge. I've been pushing you to come to Milwaukee and check out the scene because I think you would really like it here. I've got a few ins on bands that I can pass on and I know you could drop into the music industry around here as well. I know you're looking at moving into Kevin's old house. I don't want you getting lulled into trying to keep the old-days alive. I'm afraid that if you set up shop in that house, it's going to take forever for you to get anywhere you actually want to be. Even if you don't come to Milwaukee, please keep your options open. Don't sign a lease until you've done at least a basic long-range search for a career doing what you actually want to be doing. Chris You are second on my list of "people who need to get the hell out of Dodge". However, you've got some things to figure out before you can do it. You need to realize your own skillset and worth. Next, you have to realize that the job/grad school market don't give a flying fuck about you. You need to advertise yourself. No one will hire/accept you if they don't know about you. Sending in the form application will never accomplish anything. You have to show the HR people that you're a real person and that you're worth investing in. Secondly, you need to get over the "poor me" attitude. After a while, it doesn't matter what's happened in the past, your dwelling on it is your own choice. Beating yourself up is the easy way out. You beat yourself up and drag down those around you. You're clinging desperately to the last strings of a high-school group that is growing up around you and moving on. You need to understand that everyone is going to split off. That's the way things are supposed to be. Trying to hold it together is destructive to yourself as well as everyone you manage to rope in. It's not like we're never going to see each other, we're just not going to sit around every night and gossip. Real Life is going to happen to everyone else, even if you refuse to grasp it for yourself. Doug With all the shit that's come down on you recently, I think you're handling things amazingly well. I've always appreciated that you don't take it personally when I'm a bit of an absentee friend. My only complaint is that you still seem to have a lot of pent up anger which finds its way onto innocents, but you seem to be working on it. I hope things with Rachael clear up one way or the other. (You know which side of the fence I'm on.) Jarod & Rachel It was great seeing you guys while we were in town. It looks like you've really got your stuff together. I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you can find the time somewhere to visit Milwaukee Schaef You've made a whole lot of progress in the last year or so. I really hope the farm gig works out for you. Don't worry so much about finding a girl. Once you get the rest of your life on track, she'll fall in your lap. Kevin & DJ Who ever would have thought that Kevin would grow up. I hope you the best in your new life. I think the hardest thing for the group to digest in the near future is that you two aren't going to be the same after you get married. I know you'll do your best not to alienate the others, but remember: you each are the most important thing to the other. Indulge in each other. Love each other above all else on earth. Be true to each other. And by that, I don't mean "don't cheat (which I really shouldn't have to tell you)". I mean don't put the struggles of the world, the fights of the group, or the crazyness of family above your partner. You're in this together now. I love you both. Jack I don't think you even know about this page, but maybe one of the others will point you here. I still don't know you well, but you're on my list of good people to know. You're curiosity and drive towards the more important things in life really strikes me. Congratulations on the new job and I'll talk to you on the forums... I think that's it. Some of you may ask why I picked a public forum instead of talking to each of you individually. I think you all need to know where I'm coming from. I don't want anyone thinking that I am singling them out. I'm not trying to kill the group, I'm just watching what's happening. I want what's best for all of us and I believe that that is to finally leave high-school behind. I love you all and I'm not willing to lose any of you. It's simply time to grow up.

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2005-03-30 19:41:42

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Trying to clear up some of the fog: (and probably making it worse) I wasn't trying to piss anyone off. I'm also not saying that I'm right. I'm letting you know what I see. Chris: When I say you need to let the guys go, I don't mean that you're not allowed to hang out and talk and all that. I'm saying that you need to acknowledge the changes that are happening. I understand what you wrote, but I don't think you see the good that comes from change. You're fighting tooth and nail to keep the dynamic the way that it was. It seems to me that we should all be trying to elevate things to a more adult level. As for not sending in applications, I gave you more credit than that. The last thing I knew, you were at least putting in for jobs online. You can't complain about being busy all the time either. You do it to yourself so that you don't have to pay attention to the other things happening or not happening in your life. You _need_ to make the time to put in for jobs. You _need_ to accept the fact that your parents want to help you succeed. They'll do anything you ask so long as it's genuine. More straight-forward: They'll give you the $50 a pop you need to apply to schools. You're worth a lot more than you're letting yourself believe. My main complaint isn't about bringing other people down and I'm sorry you latched onto that. My life is going well. I hate to say it, but there isn't much that can really bring me down right now. I'm worried that you're spiraling down in self-loathing. You're a great guy and you're good at what you do. You just need to take the chance and show the rest of the world. I'm sorry to be so shitty about this whole thing. If you honestly want me to, let me know and I'll shut up about it. Jason: Thanks for not getting too pissed at me. I didn't even think about the fact that you wouldn't have to sign in long term at the house. I immediately went for the "high school guys" mentality because that's what I see when I'm home. I really enjoy hanging out with everyone individually and in small groups, but it's getting hard to be around everyone at once. That's why I never come to cheap beer night. The saddest part of the deal is that I never get to see Kevin and DJ because they're particularly hard to nail down without everyone else around. By no means do I think you punked out of coming to Milwaukee. I know you really wanted to come up. I definately understand the situation that came up as well as the practicality that is life. I don't want you thinking I'm upset about that. I'm also not trying to push you to "go do something right now." I do understand the Bigger Plan that you've got going. I'm just trying to nudge you and make sure that you're keeping everything in focus. I need to make sure that you're keeping track of your motivations. As for Jessi, I simply think you need to give yourself more time. If she's the one for you, you'll know.

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2005-04-03 23:42:31

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Today, we bought a vacuum cleaner. It was my birthday present from my parents. I feel kinda dumb talking about a vacuum cleaner, but it was kinda neat/scary that I filled and emptied the 1/2 gallon dust bin five times before the sens-o-matic thing said the whole carpet was clean.

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2005-04-07 23:17:20

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Tired. Homework due tomorrow. Electronics test tomorrow. Must sleep now.

...if heather and you ever do have kids, you can feel her belly...

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2005-04-12 12:14:12

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"I'll bet you one case of beer that by the time you and I retire they have not hired a new materials guy to take care of the electron microscope...and when I win, it better be Dutch beer" -overheard by the engineering office

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2005-04-14 23:08:18

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As of today, the bike is on the road. It still needs some tuning, but she'll get me to class...which is the point...

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2005-04-15 10:22:46

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In case you run a laptop and happen to be considering updating to 2.6.11, don't. The touchpad driver is all kinds of broken. Tapping is disabled by default and there is no way to enable it. That and the thing is generally laggy. Sux. I'm trying out 2.6.12-rc2 to see if they've fixed it yet...

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2005-04-19 01:28:42

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"It's a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be with someone who looks into your face, when you've gotten old, and still sees what you think you look like."

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2005-05-04 08:43:13

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Ok. In case anyone hasn't heard by now, I got this job working in the Tele-rehabilitation labs at Marquette. I start in June. Mostly, I'm going to be working on programming modules for this system that one of the grad students wrote. Beyond that, I get to totally revamp a few websites. Who'd of thunk AAA and Section 508 experience would pay off? Upside: someone else paying me to do web design. Downside: I have to learn C# and .NET in general.

Few things in life waste more time than /.. bash.org is one of them...

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2005-05-12 19:42:22

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Well, finals are almost over. And I only think I failed one class. I'm not kidding. This semester fucking sucked. Hopefully, I'll be able to get my act together and get back on the horse iin the fall. On a lighter note... Rule #5934 of Motorcycle Maintenance: Do not replace your idle-adjustment screws with chewing gum. Shopping List: One (1) Idle Adjustment Screw One (1) Replacement Pack of Gum

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2005-05-12 22:03:04

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Fuck Academic Integrity. That pretty much sums it up. I just turned down $100 to tell a kid what was on a final that I already took that they take tomorrow. Fuckina. On the other hand, I have rediscovered Social Distortion. Good Things.

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2005-05-30 01:07:01

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I haven't written in a while. Such is the way. I don't ever really feel like writing anymore. Perhaps that's a good thing. Maybe not. I really don't know. I do know that pretty much the only people that read this are the guys back home and Josh. Josh and I have been pretty hit and miss as of late. Honestly, I miss the intellectual masturbation. Things haven't been going all that well with the guys back home either. I don't know why but lots of things about the guys have been rubbing me the wrong way. Maybe it's because I'm out of town and out of the mix and thus have a different perspective. Maybe I have a better view than those in the mix because I don't feel the need to defend my place in life as well as my day-to-day routine. Maybe I don't have a fucking clue what I'm talking about as I'm not really involved with them anymore on a day-to-day basis. What do I know about anything really? Jason mentioned a little while back that he was tired of telling people what to do with their lives. I was there for a long time. Backtrack... In highschool, I loved telling people what to do. Hell, I was the go-to guy for advice on whatever happend to be pop at the time. When I went off to college in the first place, I tried to stop all that. Basically, I didn't feel that it was my place to bend people to my idea of right. More recently, however, I don't buy that viewpoint in myself. I feel that I've been using "not my place" as a cop out to avoid some messy confrontation with some people that I really care about. The problem is that I've been working polar. If I'm not choosing to butt out, I'm really in their face about things. I've lost most of my ability to find the middle ground. The shitty part is that I think I could still do it, but I don't have the time or energy. What kind of fucked up friend am I if I feel that I have the right and responsibility to bring up some really obnoxious, half-founded claims, yet can't put in the time and effort required to do it on a level that won't piss people off. Maybe I'm just not patient anymore? I start work on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it. The aquarium has yet to kill anything. I'm happy about that too. Heather's been really tired lately. She's been working a lot. I hope she gets into the swing of things such that she doesn't have to come home and die every night. It's going to be a long summer if neither of us has any energy at the end of the day. I guess it's cheaper that way. Who knows...

*yawn*

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2005-06-02 23:57:56

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So, I'm a bookmark for someone at Xilinx... unknown-62-254.xilinx.com hits me every 15 minutes or so....

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2005-06-04 22:41:35

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I've wasted the last two days trying to get Evolution to share its calendar over the net. I thought about doing a hack with the iCal file. I worked about 4 hours on OpenGroupware.org and managed to get it running well, but not happily speaking with Evolution. Evolution could send calender events through the connector, then crash. Pulling through the connector gave no hint of actually working. After while, I gave up. As of now, I'm running Multisync. It works. Tranq is now a SyncML server. Once I get to work on Monday, I'm setting up Sync4j to see if I can't get Outlook at my worstation playing along as well. On a completely unrelated note, Heather and I are taking dance lessons again. I actually don't hate it. Officially, we're trying to not suck by the time we go to Vegas. It also happens to be really good exercise that you don't notice you're doing. Last night, we danced out on the patio with a bunch of high-schoolers making fun of us through the clubhouse windows. It was fun. We must do it again. As for now, I'm going to relax for the evening and maybe actually get some sleep tonight...

"...you have to compile it from source or else install rpms. If you don't know what those words mean: Stop. Turn. Walk away slowly..." Found on a cell phone / pda forum discussing SyncML

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2005-06-11 09:33:25

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I'm considering revamping my website again. Maybe something not so dark. And probably getting rid of the poetry. Sometimes you just have to grow up, you know?

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2005-06-13 13:48:08

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I thought it was funny that I was looking at "not so dark" and pulling my stylesheet gave me black. Figures. Anyway.

perl -pi -w -e 's/search/replace/g;' *.txt

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2005-06-17 14:45:18

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http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=kb;EN-US;306572

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2005-06-28 02:51:56

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so...um...we bought a car. we don't actually have any money, but we bought a car. i guess to put it really straight, dad bought a car and we're paying him back for the rest of our natural lives. important thing being that we now have reliable transportation that we don't have to give back to heather's mom. wee hoo.

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2005-06-29 21:54:08

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By reading menu.1st every time the system boots. You note that Grub only works with a finite number of filesystems.

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2005-07-11 11:44:50

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Somewhere along the lines, this thing turned into a normal shitty weblog. I only write when I have something that I have to remember later. Todays needed memory: Krang and Bricolage

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2005-07-11 16:16:54

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http://csharp-source.net/ http://bdn.borland.com/article/0,1410,32057,00.html http://quanta.kdewebdev.org/screenshots.php http://forums.devshed.com/archive/t-29857

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2005-07-26 16:47:33

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Why is it that I only write when I'm livid? It sucks really. Right now, I really should be talking to some other living, breathing human being. Problem being, the only person that I can talk to about shit like this is more messed up about it than I am. Isn't that just the way things go? I need a place here. Writing has always been my solace. Everyone knows that. The problem with this whole deal is that I need to be writing on paper, not typing on a keyboard. Maybe I need to be writing where no one will read unless I really want them to. I don't know. I used to write for the dramatic effect. I used to want everyone in the world to know all of my thoughts, especially the pretty ones. Nowadays, I'm not so much all about sharing. Maybe I'm becoming more of a private person. Maybe my problems are finally grown up enough that the rest of the world doesn't need to hear about them. How do you counter hatred? How can you eat away at something that is simply black without a chink to go at anywhere? How do you work around something that doesn't have any edges? How do you get around your programmed reactions when they don't even give you the chance to feel what you fear? But even thus, I hold out. There's got to be some sunshine around here somewhere.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

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2005-07-28 09:50:39

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Project I'm working on for work: http://tranq.wolfteck.com/cgi-bin/techout.pl any suggestions?